The Biblical Way To Handle Conflict

If there's anything we can be assured of in this life, it's this: Conflict is gonna happen. Most of the time these conflicts are compounded by a lack of communication, and this is just as much a problem for believers as it is unbelievers.

Thankfully, the Bible is not only God's Word, it's also the best way to live. Within scripture are practical words of advice on how to relate to God and to others. Consider the following words spoken by Jesus during His Sermon on the Mount.

If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love. ~Matthew 18:15-17 (MSG)

How much more practical and too-the-point can you get?

1. Go to the other person involved in the conflict and try to straighten it out between the two of you.
2. If that doesn't work, take some witnesses to "keep things honest."
3. If all else fails, take it before the church.
4. In the midst of it all, keep loving the other person and continue to hold them accountable.

It's been my experience that problems--not handled in the practical way Jesus commands--take on a life of their own. They turn into "he said"/"she said" gossip sessions, until the truth lies buried beneath a pile of rumors and lies. If there is a breakdown in any part of the process, this will happen, so we would be wise to ask ourselves the following questions:

• Did I try to straighten this out in a one-on-one session with the other person?
• Have I done my part to get reliable witnesses involved with both parties of the conflict?
• As a last resort, have I brought it to the attention of the church?
• Have I done my best to be loving while keeping the other party accountable for their actions?

Another point I'd like address is what we do when we hear information about a conflict among other believers, because our response can make the problem even worse. First, don't gossip about it. Secondly, don't take sides without allowing both sides to explain their position. To do so means that we make assumptions and jump to conclusions without the complete story. In a nutshell, don't judge!

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." ~Matthew 7:1-5

Father, our earthly conflicts must surely grieve You. Forgive me, Lord, for the times I've tried to handle difficult conflicts in a worldly way. For the times I've been judgmental without knowing all the facts. Thank You for Your Word. It truly is a light for my feet and a lamp for my path. Give me the courage to live out Your Word in a way that pleases You, especially in times of conflict. Amen.

Already There

Once more the Philistines raided the valley; so David inquired of God again, and God answered him, “Do not go directly after them, but circle around them and attack them in front of the poplar trees. As soon as you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the poplar trees, move out to battle, because that will mean God has gone out in front of you to strike the Philistine army.” So David did as God commanded him, and they struck down the Philistine army, all the way from Gibeon to Gezer.   ~1 Chronicles 14:13-16 (NIV)

God is often referred to in the Bible as the Lord of Hosts. When I was younger, I thought of this as a reference to an angelic choir. As I've grown in my faith, I've come to realize that it's an angelic army.

Our Christian walk is sometimes described as a battle or soldier-hood (Ephesians 6; 2 Timothy 2:3). That is indeed an apt description. Life is a struggle for all of us. And for Christ-followers, there is the added spiritual dimension to the life struggle. Satan and his demons are directly opposed to us and will do whatever they have to do to bring us down and make us ineffective.
But we need not fear or hunker in the bunker! Our Commander-In-Chief goes before us. The battle belongs to Him (2 Chronicles 20; 1 Samuel 17). Victory is guaranteed (see the book of Revelation).

At a particularly difficult time in my life, I longed and pleaded for God to break through my doubts and fears and give me assurance that He was indeed moving. He did!

I stepped from my car one Sunday morning. Before entering the building, I watched as the wind scattered dry leaves across a cemetery. Then above me, I heard the sound of marching feet.

How quick I am to doubt! The first thing I did was check my pulse to see if what I was hearing was my own heartbeat pounding in my ears. The two beats didn't match up. In awe I listened to the steady stomp over my head. Just like a parade, it grew louder above me before it gradually grew softer and moved off in the direction we would soon be moving.

People may call me foolish or crazy. They can say I was "just hearing things." I don't care. Here's the truth: Our God is STILL the LORD of Hosts! He is STILL victorious! He STILL moves on behalf of His people! Don't be afraid to set out in the direction in which He is leading--He's already there!

The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as He did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes ~Deuteronomy 1:30 (NIV)

Lord, forgive my tendency to doubt and to flee the battle. Gird my heart with the truth of who You are. Strengthen my arms for combat. Steady my stumbling feet and wobbly knees. All praise belongs to You, our victorious Savior and LORD of Hosts! Amen!

A New Perspective

A shiny penny winked at me from the pavement. As I stooped to snatch it up, I realized it was embedded in the asphalt.

I puzzled over the penny. This was my regular walking route. I had literally traveled this same path thousands of times. Why hadn't I seen the penny years earlier?

Then it dawned on me. Since we had recently changed homes in the same neighborhood, my return route had been altered by one block. In other words, I could see the penny now because my perspective had changed.

Our lives are much the same. When we're going through one of the many storms of life, it can be difficult to see things that are right beneath our feet. Only later, after the seas have calmed, can we look back with fresh eyes and see from our new vantage point the good God has produced from the raging waters.

Consider the story of Joseph. What a storm! Envied by his brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused and imprisoned. I'm sure he had trouble understanding why! He spent thirteen years of his life in prison for a crime he didn't commit. But God had a purpose for it.

He (God) called down famine on the land and destroyed all their supplies of food; and he sent a man before them—Joseph, sold as a slave. They bruised his feet with shackles, his neck was put in irons, till what he foretold came to pass, till the word of the LORD proved him true. The king sent and released him, the ruler of peoples set him free. He made him master of his household, ruler over all he possessed, to instruct his princes as he pleased and teach his elders wisdom. (Psalm 105:16-22, NIV)

If you're in the midst of storm-swept seas, trust the One who has placed you there to accomplish His good and perfect work. Allow His furnace to prove you true. Know that one day you'll be able to see it all from a new perspective.

Father, teach us that so much of what we complain about and question is simply a matter of perspective. Help us see Your hand in everything that comes into our life--both the good and the bad. May we trust You through every circumstance. In spite of his difficult life, Your Word tells us that Joseph was successful because You were with him in everything he did. Grant us the same testimony. May our lives be successful--not by earthly standards, but by Your standards--because of Your presence with us and in us. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Silenced Voices

I watched both movies in the same weekend. The Lord must have wanted me to get the message. I did.

The movies I'm referring to are The Help and The King's Speech. My hubby and I were enjoying a weekend excursion and saw The Help at a movie theater. When we returned home the next day, our Netflix package was waiting for us in the mail. We watched The King's Speech that night.

Now I'm not gonna spoil the movies for those of you who haven't yet had the opportunity to see them (I highly recommend both), but I will say that both movies dealt with silenced voices.
It was definitely an "aha!" moment for me as God's Spirit whispered truth and life into my soul. I realized we allow so many things to silence our voices for God--fear of criticism, what others might say or think, traditionalism, apathy--the list could go on and on.


Our human nature is embedded with a desire to avoid pain at any cost, but the enemy is well aware of our tendency to flee confrontation and to hunker down in the bunker. The prince of darkness always attacks through the chinks in our armor.

In retrospect, I'm so ashamed at my allowing Satan to silence my voice. Rather than being a victorious warrior forging ahead for the Kingdom's work, I plugged up the spring, refusing to allow one more drop to squeeze through.

But our Almighty God, the Lord of Hosts, is always victorious, even when we're not! He gently and patiently rains down more grace and love on us, until living waters swell and break through the barriers we've built. Then we can't keep silent because our heart longs to shout to the world about the gospel of peace and the Lover of our souls.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. ~Psalm 19:14

When He came near the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen: “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!” “Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!” Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!” “I tell you,” He replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” (Luke 19:37-40, NIV)

A Message You Can Trust

Messages are being hurled at us from every direction, and in the chaos of life, we often take them in without much contemplation. At other times, we're attracted to a particular message because it's what we want to hear, regardless of its truth. For those of us who struggle with trust issues, it's difficult to know which messages to trust.

Really the trust we struggle with is often over the messenger. After all, if we can't trust the messenger, how are we supposed to trust what they say?

Thankfully, there is a message which can be trusted, and it's author is completely trustworthy. The Bible is God's Word to a world He created and loves. It's a message of hope and redemption. It's a revelation of who God is and His perfect plan to save lost and dying people.

So in this world where we are constantly bombarded by subtle and not-so-subtle messages, we have a place of refuge. When something thrown into our path confuses us, we have a place to turn.

Instead of accepting everything at face value, hold every tidbit of information up to the divine light of God's Word. He loves you and knows what's best for you. His message is the only one you can really trust.

I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. (Psalm 119:11, ESV)

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. (Psalm 119:105, NIV)

A Time For Everything

God, in His infinite wisdom, has ordained a time for everything, even things we might classify as bad. It's difficult for our human brains to comprehend why some seasons of our lives turn out the way they do. Consider the following:

There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:
 a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, NIV)

It's all too easy to think of at least one part of each equation as a negative--dying, uprooting, killing, tearing down, weeping, mourning, scattering stones, refraining, giving up, throwing away, tearing, silence, hating, war. And on their own they are negatives.

But in God's kingdom, things are never as they seem in the earthly realm. He commands us to love when hated, to pray for our enemies. In His economy, He allows difficult times for reasons we can't comprehend and has promised to bring good out of them (Romans 8:28). While we may never understand hard times this side of heaven, we can trust our God--who is always good, right, and loving--to make everything right in the end.

So when you're going through a season not of your choosing--a season where there seem to be more negatives than positives--cling to the truth that God holds all time in His more-than-capable hands and will bring good out of it.

My times are in Your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors! (Psalm 31:15, ESV)

Father, though we find it so difficult to do, help us to praise You in difficult times, knowing that You are a good and loving God. Show us how to spread our sails when the wind sets itself against us and how to grow and flourish when our roots have been plucked from the ground. Teach us to dance and sing in the midst of grief and mourning, because You work all things for our eternal good. Amen.

Faith Walking

We walk by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7, ESV)

We humans are so tuned in to our senses. We put great stock in all we see, hear, feel, taste and smell. But we would be wise to remember that everything our senses take in is temporary, and only the spiritual realm--the things we can't see--has lasting value and worth.

The term "walk" in the verse above implies a continual action. (Some translations use the term "live," which is also a continual action.) In other words, it's more than just a one time thing. Yes, all believers attest to one moment where they put their faith in Jesus as Lord and Savior. The question is: What happened next?

If a life of faith is merely the pronouncement of belief then the halls of heaven will one day be filled with millions who have professed faith. You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. (James 2:19, NLT)

Faith is so much more than a one-time statement. It's a life lived by trust in the eternal rather than taking cover in the temporal. It's resting in the One who holds everything in His hands and trusting Him to direct our paths. It's choosing, every moment of every day, to walk and live in the light of who He is.

Joshua was a seasoned man of war when God handed the responsibility of leading the Hebrew people over to him. What a massive mission! He surely must have questioned his ability and the dangers that awaited them, but God told him on more than one occasion to not be afraid and to be of good courage.

Then came Jericho, a fortified city that had to be destroyed. If Joshua and the Hebrew people had believed what their eyes told them, they probably would have turned tail and run all the way back to Egypt.

But this was a journey of faith, not fear.

And the LORD said to Joshua, “See, I have given Jericho into your hand, with its king and mighty men of valor." (Joshua 6:2, NIV) (Notice that the Lord didn't say, "I will give Jericho into your hand." Instead, He said it had already been accomplished.)

The victory was already won! Then God in His unfathomable wisdom had them follow an unusual path. Rather than typical weapons of warfare, they were to march around the city, blare the trumpets, and shout.

By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the army had marched around them for seven days. (Hebrews 11:30, NIV)

Faith walking isn't for the faint of heart. It requires letting go of our normal human desire to believe in what we see rather than what we don't see. But, oh, the victory that belongs to those to who dare to live--to walk--by faith.

Real Transformation

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. (2 Corinthians 3:18, ESV)

As I work on my novel, The Way of Grace, a story about a goody-two-shoes perfectionist who comes face to face with God's grace, I'm reminded of the fact that authentic Christianity has nothing to do with being good.

In fact, the more we try to be good on our own effort, the less Christlike we become. Why? Because we're in effect trying to earn something that has been given freely. And by trying to earn this God-gift we bring to no account the work of God through the sacrifice of Christ.

How foolish we are to try from the outside-in to accomplish something that can only be done by God from the inside-out! Call it self-improvement, self-help, or self-whatever, it's a pervasive and deadly threat to Christianity sent straight from Satan and the world we live in. I've said it before and I'll say it again: There's NOTHING we can do to be good enough and to merit our eternal salvation!

The apostle Paul expressed it perfectly. I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. (Romans 7, MSG)

How encouraging it is to this old sinner to realize that others struggle (including the apostle Paul!) with being good. But praise God, the story doesn't end on a negative note. God is in the business of transforming those of us who belong to Him. Being like Jesus and following in His steps won't be accomplished through our puny efforts to be good, but only by abiding in Him and allowing Him to transform us.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17, NIV)

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5, ESV)

Father, thank You that You are in the business of changing us from the inside-out--taking this old caterpillar and transforming her into a glorious butterfly--taking this sin-stained life and changing me from glory to glory. Forgive me for my futile attempts to change myself through human effort. Thank You that Your grace is more than enough to accomplish the transformation--making me all that I long to be for You. When I'm tempted to rely on self-help and self-improvement to bring about the lasting change I desire, remind me that my only task is to stay connected to You. Amen.

The Importance of Practice

“I promise not to be distracted by…ooh, shiny!”

I posted the above comment to my status on Facebook and received numerous comments and “likes.” We all laugh at this because we know how easy it is to be distracted by the smallest things despite our good intentions.

Sadly, distraction often carries over into my prayer life. I begin to pray and before long my thoughts have turned to the earthly realm–a comment that was made, what I’m going to have for lunch, the chores that need to be accomplished for the day. The list could go on and on.

I know this must grieve God’s Daddy-heart. He created us. Gave us a new life. Longs for an intimate relationship with us. But so often we forget we’ve been granted a never-ending audience with the King. We hurry through our prayer time as one more thing to check of our To-Do List, then pack Him up until we need Him again. The truth is that He is always with us, so why do we ignore His presence?

Maybe a better question is: how can we remedy the problem? The only thing that seems to effectively handle the distraction issue for me is practice–what a 17th century monk by the name of Brother Lawrence called practicing the presence of God.

I’ve learned that when I’m mindful  of His presence and speak to Him constantly throughout the day, He transforms the hectic into the serene and the chaotic into the divine. He makes each act, no matter how simple and mundane, a holy task, ordained by God as His plan for me at that moment in time.

As a piano teacher, I’ve seen the difference in results between those students who practice and those who don’t. The same things applies to our spiritual lives. If we long for a deeper walk with God, we simply must practice. We must discipline ourselves to be constantly aware of His presence. We must carry on a constant conversation with Him. Only then will our relationship with God become the deeply intimate connection that we and He desires.

You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11, ESV)